Heart decided
by Loz06
Summary: Neil. Andrea. Sequel to 'When Andrea moves on'. Neil makes a decision about Andrea but it leaves her in an awkward situation, one that will possibly devastate Neil all over again.
1. Chapter 1

**Title**: Heart decided

**Author**: Loz

**E-Mail**: loz06(at)yahoo(dot)com

**Rating**: T

**Category**: Neil.Andrea...Who else? Oh and the supporting cast, can't forget them.

**Series**: Story number twenty three. What follows are titles and story ID numbers:

_**(1) **After he's at her door – 2486705 **(11)** When they're back together – 2619492_

_**(2) **When the mighty fall – 2506192 **(12) **Life almost in balance – 2630121_

_**(3) **While his wife's away – 2525486**(13) **Life under pressure – 2666280_

_**(4) **While they're away – 2543010 **(14) **Trying to have a life together – 2699235_

_**(5) **When love's not working – 2543013 **(15) **Outside influences on their lives – 2704730_

_**(6) **Boundaries when broken up – 2562611 **(16) **When things start falling apart – 2727112_

_**(7) **What happens on the train – 2579012 **(17)** When they're approaching the end again - 2750079_

_**(8) **When they work together – 2595808 **(18) **Trying not to drift apart – 2891564_

**_(9)_** _When she wants him back – 2598312 **(19)** When the truth comes out - 2912317_

_**(10) **When they're stuck together – 2611364 **(20) **How things are going to be – _2954769

_**(21) **When they work together…again – 2959211 **(22)** When Andrea moves on – 3181250_

**_(23)_** _Heart decided -_ _3188794_

**Spoilers**: So minor it shouldn't ruffle any feathers.

**Archive** (if applicable): www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net(slash)loz06

**Feedback**: The good, the bad and the very ugly it's all appreciated.

**Summary: **Neil makes a decision about Andrea but it leaves her in an awkward situation, one that will possibly devastate Neil all over again.

**Disclaimers**: My heart has decided this is the pair I love writing the most, now if only hearts desire could bring ownership of the characters.

* * *

"Good morning, today is the eleventh of January and the time is six thirty, time for the news." In the kitchen Andrea picks up on the information and dashes to the TV, nearly spilling her coffee down the front of her.

As the newsreader starts with the top story of the day, Andrea checks the date at the bottom of the screen, the eleventh, tomorrow is Neil's birthday, and it almost escaped her. She goes back to her burning toast, she won't think about it again till almost midday.

"Andrea." Louise snaps her fingers pulling her from her thoughts. In the five minutes down time she had, she'd begun thinking if she should do something for Neil's birthday. She's reminded of the ring on her right hand and although it was better times for them, it seems the least she can do is call and say happy birthday, "Staff meeting before lunch."

That night as Andrea browses through the supermarket to pick up a few things she's run out of she comes across the gift wrapping and cards. She picks out something simplistic, without a message that indicates any type of romantic relationship and decides she'll sign for Cally as well. At the checkout she has second thoughts but the card is scanned and goes in with the rest of her things. At home she keeps it simple - _To Neil, Happy Birthday, Andrea and Cally_. For humour she draws a paw print.

* * *

Neil checks his phone messages after he's dropped his coat over the back of the sofa; it's more out of habit that anything but lately a small part of him wants there to be a message from Andrea. He's missed her since New Years Eve despite the simple message she sent. They should have be out celebrating together, in a crowd of partygoers or alone, it shouldn't have mattered they'd only have eyes for each other, it should have been a time for them to celebrate the fact he'd soon legally be free to be with her.

At his desk was a sad and lonely way to spend the night, when he'd found her message he wanted to call but knew she'd be out having a good time. Besides what message would he be sending, he's not definitely sure what he wants right now though he's leaning in her direction. He'd told himself the message was probably just her being polite, a carbon copied message sent to everyone in her phone. Then again maybe he should be putting more hope into that small message.

Colin had been out New Years Eve, getting on with his own life and moving away from needing him as he'd predicted, much of his time was spent with Julia. He'd just hoped it wouldn't happen so soon.

He couldn't stand the sight of Andrea after she told him the truth, to this date he hasn't been able to look at her diary. He was heartbroken, shattered and almost slid from loving her to the other end of the scale - hating her. She'd betrayed him in one of the biggest ways and at the time he wasn't sure he could ever get back from that. Time apart was what he needed, to run the gauntlet of emotions but now it's becoming hard without her. With Colin back but with his own girlfriend sometimes it still feels like he's not here and although he doesn't know it, Colin was the one he used to get him through the dark days.

Now he's beginning to think he can forgive her, he was devastated initially – for something to be going so well and to then have it all come crashing down, it was made worse by the shock and while the leaks still sit uncomfortably with him, he understands her intentions weren't out of malice towards him. He could learn to trust her again after all she did. Through all the times when he said he'd leave Philippa…eventually and never did.

That is if she still wants him, Neil senses Smithy is on Andrea's radar and he may loose out to the young sergeant.

Colin's footsteps had faded not long after the door shut and Neil had assumed he'd gone to the kitchen.

"You're actually watching this?" Colin asks astounded, Neil quickly recovers from the surprise of his son's voice coming from behind the sofa.

"It was a habit I got…" Neil starts but soon realises anything else said will be blatantly obvious. When the dark haired PC comes into the scene Neil allows himself the acknowledgement that he's been thinking about Andrea a lot lately and he's missed the fact work hasn't brought her to Sun Hill. Behind him Colin shuffles into the room.

"How would you feel if I started seeing someone?" Neil stands in Colin's bedroom doorway later; Colin immediately looks up from his magazine.

"Is she going to be my stepmother?" When Neil thinks about it, there's little chance of picking up with Andrea from where they left off, he doesn't get a chance to reply. "I don't hate the idea but I don't like it either. I know that's unfair because you deserve to be happy. I don't know why I don't like it, I just don't."

"Because it's not going to be your mum," Neil fills in the gaps.

"Probably but I have this image of a horrible step mother who you choose without me having any say."

"I wouldn't be happy with someone who doesn't treat you well." Neil admits, realising the events they're speaking of are a long way off. "Anyway I'm not divorced yet."

"Still you don't have to ask my permission, well you're not supposed to." The second half of the sentence Neil adds to the odd things Colin has said lately which he cannot decipher.

"You deserve to be told or consulted at least."

"As long as she's not…" Colin stops and thinks, smiling. "Twenty one, blonde and works in a pub."

Neil laughs, "You don't think much of me then, I did alright with your mum didn't I?" As soon as he's said it he regrets it and immediately switches to casual. "I don't have anyone in mind, it's just that I…"

"Please dad." Colin interrupts. "I've gotten this far in life without being mentally scarred."

"Yeah thanks." Neil smiles and shakes his head. "Don't come to me about Julia then."

"Whoever it is, I'll try my best to like her." Neil appreciates the gesture, as hard as it may be and no matter if it fails down the track.

"Do you really hate that your mum and I are split?" Neil just hopes for an honest answer.

"Not a whole lot." Colin meets his father's eyes. "But you're both happier and you both spend more time with me than before." Neil knows some of that is guilt from not having done it before.

"I never intended it to be this way." Neil knows it's the truth and Colin nods once, it's too deep for either of them to discuss.

Back in front of the TV he doesn't watch Neil knows if he's going to ask Andrea back into his life he needs to be sure Colin has had time to get used to the idea and that he's going back to Andrea for the right reasons, not just because he's lonely.

* * *

Andrea groans as she realises it's the phone that has awoken her, she groans louder as she sees the clock, five thirty in the morning. Her sleepy arm barely has the strength to reach for the phone; her hello is muffled into her pillow, unwilling to subject the person on the other end to her voice till she's used it for the first time.

"Andrea, I need you at Sun Hill, they've got a hostage situation on their hands. A guy came home from night shift to find his wife in bed with another man. We think he has a knife and he's refusing to come out."

"Oh Louise," Andrea groans.

"I don't care if this hits close to home for you Andrea, I'm in with the brass over this documentary thing today, I need you to handle it and I'm relying on you because you're the only one I can trust with it." Louise sounds stressed and short tempered, clearly she was rudely awoken as well but has been up and functioning for a while.

"I'll keep you updated." Andrea says before hanging up. True it's the last sort of case she ever wants to go near and she's still unsettled at the idea about of the card for Neil's birthday and now being around him all day. She's just gotten comfortable with the idea of leaving it on his desk when he wasn't there.

She makes it out the door in record time, grabbing the card as she goes.

* * *

The press is already gathering around the front of the station, blocking the front doors. Andrea slips unnoticed through the lot gates as another patrol car accelerates out of the lot with its sirens blazing.

"Andrea." The DCI calls, her attention on the activity that has the station buzzing.

"It's all kicked off." She comments heading up the ramp with Jack Meadows.

"Come upstairs and I'll fill you in, the Super has some specific requests." Having been up from such an early hour, Andrea just wants to get on with it. "Can you get rid of them from out the front?"

"When they see I'm here they'll want to go where I do." Andrea says acknowledging the press are not the type of shadow she enjoys.

* * *


	2. Chapter 2

* * *

Uniformed officers are keeping the press well back to where they can barely get a long lens picture of the house. Andrea nods to the uniforms that let her under the scene tape; they know she'll relieve the hungry media soon.

"Hello." Terry greets in his usual black leather jacket, worn in the heat, cold and in between. He was once heard to say it keeps him cool.

"What's the latest?" Andrea asks as she scans the armed officers who have a formidable presence and thankfully don't have to use their weapons too often. She spots the negotiator, a mobile phone to his ear and not far from him she makes eye contact with Neil.

"The negotiator arrived a six, he hasn't made up a lot of ground, particularly because this guy doesn't want anything, he's just distraught because of his wife's actions. It's making it a little harder to get him out of there, especially when there's nothing to bargain with." Terry sighs frustrated. "His name is David Adams, thirty- five, no children, works at some sort of manufacturing plant, married ten years and no weapons in the house other than the kitchen knives we believe."

"No one's considered going in?" Andrea asks watching Neil.

We don't have any visuals, our people at the side can't see anything, we think he might be in the centre of the house and we don't have a vantage point."

"Do we know this guy?" Neil makes eye contact this time.

"Nope, no record not so much as an overdue parking ticket but that doesn't mean we assume he's not capable of harming anyone." Andrea looks back to the press beyond the safe perimeter and when she comes back Neil is making his way towards her. Terry sees him coming, "I'll catch you later."

Neil wears a cautious smile when he's three steps from Andrea and Terry is well out of line of sight. It seems odd that he smiles during such a serious event, even though it's only a tiny sliver and it's careful.

"Did Terry fill you in?" He stands next to Andrea looking towards the house.

"Is there anything new?"

"We've got two armed officers moving into the backyard to try and get a better view of what's going on inside. There's not a lot of cover, the backyard is mostly grass. The negotiator has found out both hostages are bound and gagged but not hurt. Mr. Adams has spent most of his time talking about the good times in his marriage and what a good bloke he is to his wife and bemoaning about why she's done this to him. We're running with it to a certain extent because we figure that's all he really needs, someone to listen to him."

"Does the press have any details?" Andrea asks thought she assumes the answer will be no.

"Did the Super tell you, nothing is to get out or be denied or confirmed? We don't know if he has a TV or radio on in there and we don't want to take the chance something will upset him further." Neil is adamant; the press could seriously damage the delicate negotiations.

"I figured as much before I got here and the Super told me the same thing." Andrea casts her eyes back over the waiting media who have little to do but make suppositions and report no changes to the situation…a dangerous thing in its own right. "Happy Birthday by the way," Neil's instant smile puts her at ease to comment further.

"Thanks, you remembered," His smile grows to as large as he allows at work. She still loves the way his eyes smile as well. They close slightly and lose their seriousness.

"Of course I did." Andrea says softly and looking at him, indicating once again they may not be together but she still cares.

"Not a great way to spend it." Neil admits, looking back to the scene.

"Are you…doing something tonight?" Andrea's not sure when she's asking, she doesn't think she's looking for him to be alone and for her to fill the space.

Neil presses his lips together and shifts, "Yeah Colin and I are going to eat out." Andrea gets the impression he might have just wanted to invite her, then again maybe she just wants him to want to invite her.

"How is he?" Andrea pushes the inclination aside.

"Growing up too fast, spending all his free time with his friends and girlfriend…doesn't need his dad anymore."

"I'm sorry; I knew you were getting close again." Andrea glances back at the press.

"Oh we are, he's just got his own life, and he's more independent." Andrea senses some loneliness. "How's Cally?"

"I've been feeling a bit guilty lately; I've been so busy with work." She glances across at Neil.

"I'd like to come and visit." Neil shifts again.

"She'd love that." Andrea feels herself slipping from her professional mask. "I'd better go do this, they're looking at me." In one conversation she goes from wishing he'd ask her to dinner to being almost glad to get away.

Andrea turns on the charm for the press weaving her way until they feel as though they've got something more although they don't really. For all their yelling and shouting most understand in this type of situation the release of information has to be measured and careful, for the sake of those in danger.

She nods to the uniformed officers once she's dodged a few questions and batted a few others off and generally passed the time chatting about other things than the case with some of them. A relationship is necessary. They know she'll be back; it's just a matter of more happening. She walks carefully but deliberately back to Neil.

"The negotiator has made some progress; we could have the wife and the boyfriend out soon." Andrea nods.

"This is a little close to home, it could have happened to you and I." As soon as she's said it she wonders why she did, but more prominently she wonders what response she'll get.

Neil shakes his head. "This isn't Philippa's weapon of choice, she likes to keep up appearances at all times, and this is far too public for her." Andrea nods and swallows. "I'm still trying to figure out why she's allowing me to divorce her; I'm still waiting for…"

"Her to defend it?" Andrea braves and its part of what Neil's thinking.

"Maybe because I'm divorcing her it implies I'm unhappy not her, it's my failure." It's as if Neil didn't hear her, lost in thoughts he expresses out loud. "The reasons for the divorce are sealed and she is a continent away. She's left all her friends and colleagues behind, this way even though she realises it's over she can minimise the embarrassment." Then it's as if Neil has a realisation of his own about what he's been talking about. "I probably shouldn't be talking about this with you."

"If you want to talk I'm here." Forget how inappropriate it might be, how difficult it might be, what it might lead to…she just wants to be there for him, propriety and other rules be dammed. For a minute till they're interrupted he's going to let her be there for him, he's going to suggest they meet somewhere neutral and he's going to talk to her about not just Philippa but them.

"Guv," Terry nods his head towards the house and Neil steps quickly over, shortly after that two frightened people run out of the front door, the armed officers guide them to safety and then to the waiting medical assistance.

Behind her cameras click madly, Andrea checks her watch, seven thirty yet she feels like it's the end of a twelve hour shift.

Andrea allows them to continue to take the photos as the couple are driven to hospital via the other end of the street; their long lenses will do then little good.

"Andrea." They call but she can't help watch the ambulance go wondering what might have happened if she and Neil had been discovered, were Neil's words true? "Andrea."

"I'll have a statement for you when this is over and you'll have the opportunity to question the senior officers on the scene in due course," She walks away to little objection.

"What's happening?" Andrea asks Terry, noticing some action at the front of the house.

"He's cut off communication; they're preparing to go in." Terry walks away and Andrea knows the only thing to do now, like the rest of the morning is to wait. Neil shifts from one foot to the other, casting his eyes over hers, the next few minutes will be crucial but there's also something personal in his look.

Andrea shifts uncomfortably as things start to take too long and she can feel the press getting twitchy. David Adams walks out unaided, hands in the air and Andrea's heart sinks, she's seen that look it's the same one Neil wore when she told him about her job with Bruce. She turns away as he drops to his knees, next will be flat on the grass, she can't stand to watch that and the shattered look on his face. He doesn't need the heavy gun presence, he's too distraught to do harm to anyone, and he's hurting too much on the inside. As he's put in the back of an area car Andrea wishes he could have realised he'll get through it and his marriage might just survive but he couldn't see that or think straight at the time.

"He had the knife pointed towards his chest, he was crying about how life without her isn't worth it…" Smithy comes up next to her, she hadn't realised he was approaching.

"Smithy promise me one thing, promise me someone will take into account the fact he's utterly devastated by the betrayal of his wife." Andrea's voice has more emotion in it than it should.

"That'll be up to a jury." He says businesslike but then it falls into place.

"This guy you were seeing, you cheated on him."

Close enough is good enough. "His reaction is justified, just not his actions." The car with David Adams inside speeds away.

"Hey, do you want to meet for a drink tonight and talk about it?" Andrea snaps back from where she's been staring. She hesitates to accept the offer because of her earlier conversation with Neil, she felt sure he was going to ask her the same thing. She doesn't see Neil step out from behind an unmarked car, his eyes going directly to look for her, he's going to ask her if she wants to meet and talk tonight.

"Might help to talk to someone about it, some more," Smithy raises a hand of friendship and rests it on her upper arm. The action doesn't go unnoticed by Neil.

"Just a quick one," Andrea says trying to be as non-committal as possible in case Neil catches up with her later, she's unaware he's seen the whole exchange and is starting to ask himself if Smithy is more than on the radar, if they're involved. That being the case Neil feels a greater sense of loss at the opportunity that's no longer there rather than any anger that she's moving on. "I've got to get to Sun Hill before the Super starts the press conference."

"The Bank hotel at seven," Smithy smiles but Andrea's focus is elsewhere.

* * *

Adam Okaro, Jack Meadows and Neil Manson present a united front, stepping out of the station in rank order and preparing to take the onslaught together. Andrea studies their body language and their actions, each man composed and measured.

Occasionally she rolls her eyes at the questions there's no way will be answered and when Adam Okaro ends the information press conference she stays behind till they've dispersed, new information won't be forthcoming for another 24 hours.

Andrea goes straight for her phone realising she hasn't kept Louise up to date. She's annoyed, though not from the lack of updates but because the multiple phone calls from Andrea would have dragged her away from the documentary meetings.

"I'll be back in an hour." Andrea looks at her watch, she has one more thing she wants to do, rather one more person she wants to see.

Andrea stays in the halls for twenty minutes or so with a cup of coffee in hand; stopping to talk to the people she used to work with. She hopes to run into Neil, he wasn't in his office after the press conference.

By the time it becomes necessary for her to leave, Neil's still illusive. She leaves the card squarely in the middle of his desk, his name clearly on the envelope.

Although she started the day feeling comfortable only to leave it on his desk, she'd have preferred now to have handed it to him and have pressed a little more to talk.

Neil's avoiding her, knocked off his perch of confidence by Smithy's hand on her arm, now he just doesn't know, before it was a little simpler. He asks Terry if Andrea's left and the affirmative answer means he heads back to his office. That's where he finds the card.

The message may be simple but it doesn't make the card any less complex. It can never be just a card, there's too much gone on between them for that. It has a meaning or reason. The paw print of Cally's is cute and although the message is simple and Andrea's signed her name, he's unsure what to make of it. Still he puts it in the bottom of his desk drawer, buried with the photo of them together. He looks at the photo for a moment; it's everything he misses about them. He remembers the feelings that created the look on his face. Then he puts it away.

* * *

"Hey." Smithy surprises Andrea appearing beside her at the photocopier. "You weren't about to photocopy a body part were you?"

Andrea screws up her nose but smiles. "Tomorrows press release." She starts the machine whirring, looking at the casually dressed Smithy up and down. "What time is it?" Suddenly it dawns on her why he's here.

"Quarter to seven." Smithy says picking up a sheet that has come out of the copier.

"Busy body," Andrea snatches the paper from him, she honestly hadn't realised it was as late as it is, the office is still busy though in the back of her mind she thinks maybe she was unconsciously avoiding the date. Busy at work or lost track of time are weak but not implausible excuses. "So did you think I wouldn't show?"

"Unless you were planning to be fashionably late you would have left by now…I knew you wouldn't come unless I came and got you, you were hesitant from the start." Smithy's right, he's seen straight through her without knowing the reasons.

Andrea picks up the copies of the pro-active press release and heads back to her desk. "You don't want to talk…I thought women talked everything like this almost of existence." He says, the second half to himself more than anything.

"I'd like to be able to talk it out of never having happened but I don't want to talk about it anymore so can we just go out and have fun?" Andrea's look tells him she needs him to be something uncomplicated and easy in her life. She also needs a distraction from wondering what Neil's reaction to the card was. Each time the phone had rung that afternoon she'd expected it to be Neil.

"We could go to the movies and then you'd hardly have to talk at all." Smithy offers and Andrea smiles as she turns off her computer.

"I talk all through movies." Smithy rolls his eyes and laughs once, "Come on lets get out of here."

* * *


	3. Chapter 3

* * *

"Dad is that you?" Colin yells when Neil closes the flat door behind him.

"Yeah," Neil opens the fridge looking for something to eat after dropping his work on the counter. The pickings are slim; an apple is within easy reach. "You in tonight?" Neil asks standing in Colin's bedroom doorway; his son is looking through a stack of CD's.

"Yeah," It surprises Neil who takes a bite of his apple. "Have you seen my new CD?"

"The one you stayed in the car and listened to after I bought it yesterday?" They'd gone shopping for a pair of new shoes and somehow Neil had been convinced to buy the CD.

"Yeah."

"You left it in the car; I have permanent hearing loss because you didn't turn the volume down before you turned the car off." The CD had blasted to life when Neil started the car to go to work this morning..

Colin stands rolling his eyes letting Neil know just how old his son thinks he is. By the time Neil can come up with a witty protest, Colin is out the door.

"You didn't have a fight with Julia did you?" Neil looks up from the work he settled down to do after Colin headed out to the car. The front door slams, courtesy of Colin.

"No, Julia's got this family thing on, they've gone somewhere." Colin waves his hand unable to recall exact details. Neil notices he doesn't seem too concerned.

"Well why don't you and I go and do something?" Frankly Neil would welcome the distraction from work.

"Its o.k. dad you don't have to compensate." Neil's not sure if that's an 'I wouldn't be seen dead with you' comment, Colin's eyes roll again telling Neil he's trying to hard and he isn't 'cool'. Cool being almost as unattainable at his age as blood from a stone.

"I wasn't." Neil says casually and goes back to his work.

"So where's this woman, are you two going out tonight?" Colin sits in a chair across from Neil.

"What woman?" Neil's head shoots up instantly but he knows what Colin is talking about and Andrea is the only woman.

"You asked me how I'd feel about if you started to see someone." Colin buries his head in the booklet that comes with the CD. This is clearly just a passing interest or an attempt to show some interest in his father's life.

"She doesn't exist." Neil shrugs the question off.

"You're getting a bit sad dad." The CD booklet goes down and now Colin has Neil's full attention. "You're not moping over mum so you should be getting back out there. Can't die an old man at your desk at Sun Hill…have you thought about the Internet?"

What disturbs Neil most is that Colin is serious. Secondly that he recognises Neil is not upset about his marriage breakdown.

"I'm not taking dating advice from my teenage son." Neil laughs.

"Why not, when was the last time you went on a date, before the earth cooled?" Colin jokes but only Neil knows there were plenty of dates with Andrea, including their 'first' when they pretended they had just met. Then again he hadn't picked up Andrea in a bar and she wasn't a blind date, their attraction had time to warm to a simmer and he's known her as a colleague first.

"Be careful or you might just find yourself confined to your room for a while." Neil warns though he's not serious, he's much rather have a cheeky banter going with Colin than them retreating to their sections of the flat.

"I just want you to be happy." Colin drops immediately into a serious tone.

"I am." Neil says reasonably convincingly, after all it's a partial lie. "The rest will work itself out." Neil knows not without a lot of talk and new amounts of trust. "You need time to get used to the idea."

"I'm used to it, honestly." Colin protests and for some reason Neil gets the inkling he's used to it because of something that's happening on the other side of the Atlantic. "You might as well wrap me in cotton wool."

"I'm not doing that, I just don't want you to feel all of the changes are happening that affect your life and…" Neil is sincere.

"Like I said cotton wool and now you're asking my permission to go on a date." Neil can see where it might look that way.

"Alright Mr. Sixteen going on Thirty," Neil brings the conversation back to light and joking.

"Dad," Colin says softly and instantly Neil knows there's something he wants to tell his father. "Mum…mum would want you to be happy."

Colin disappears a little too quickly back to his room and Neil suspects after the first mum there was something else that Colin was going to say.

Neil decides not to follow his son and press for an explanation; this will be a difficult suspicion to prove and one that could cause a deal of hurt.

Neil tries to take comfort from the fact Colin seems to have accepted him seeing someone but there's still his suspicions and the question of whether he thinks he can trust Andrea again.

The weather is grey and the traffic heavy three days later when Neil goes to visit Cally, still the external environment is in stark contrast to his mood which is upbeat and refreshed. He experiences no hesitation pulling up out the front of Andrea's block of flats, climbing the stairs and knocking on her door. It's not overly early on a Sunday so he's surprised to not get an answer; Cally has heard him though, barking to warn him off in case he's an undesirable visitor.

Neil slips his seldom used key into the lock opens the door to have Cally jump on him at the same time as Andrea shuffles from the bedroom.

"I'm sorry, I didn't think you were here, did I wake you?" Neil turns to close the door then picks up Cally. Andrea smoothes her hair down and rubs her eyes, no lie can hide the fact he has woken her. She stretches and Neil can't avert his eyes from her middle he used to hold and trail his lips down.

"I had the worst case of insomnia last night and then she jumped on me at six when nature called." Andrea says moving a little less stiffly into the kitchen. She reaches for the coffee and that's where her arm stays…the card.

He's said nothing about it, today or since she left it on his desk. She discounts the idea he didn't get it, looking down at her favourite well worn pyjamas she thinks he may not be mentioning it now because of her state. Now's not the time to bring it up unless he does. Neil's thinking about the card and also Smithy, he too recognises this isn't the time.

"You want some?" Andrea asks Neil through a yawn.

"No thanks, you should go back to bed; we're just going to the park." Neil keeps his voice casual but he hopes she'll decide to dress and join then so he can ask some subtle questions

"I'll join you in a little while, I've been busy lately, neglecting her a little." Andrea confesses.

"We'll see you down there then." The first thing Neil wanted falls into his lap, now it's up to him to ask some thinly veiled questions.

Neil lets Andrea get comfortable for a few minutes after she comes and stands next to him. Both watch Cally who never tires of the repetition of chasing the ball and bringing it back.

"You said I could talk to you about Philippa." Neil doesn't look sideways at Andrea but he knows she will be at him.

"Yes, if you think you can trust me." It's not thrown back in his face and said spitefully, she just makes him aware she hasn't forgotten their issue.

"I do." Neil says and for this he means it, everything else is coming around. Andrea considers it to be big progress but then Smithy crosses her mind and she knows he, them or that could spoil the newly regained trust. She puts herself on guard, careful of what she says so as not to drop any clues.

"Colin asked me if I was seeing someone, he notices I'm not mourning the end of my marriage and he suggested I use the Internet to find a date." Andrea picks up the ball and throws it to hide the fact she's just become uncomfortable, she thought this was going to be about Philippa directly. She knows now she has to be extra careful about Smithy and their few casual dates and one night in bed or she could break down and confess. Friendly advice is what Neil needs and although Andrea wants to scream pick me, she knows she can't.

"He might set you up with his girlfriend's mother." Neil smiles but it doesn't make the words any easier for Andrea. There's an elongated silence in which Andrea knows he's waiting for her to add more.

"I don't bad mouth Philippa but I worry I should be more upset for Colin's sake," A safer topic.

"Doesn't he understand the realities of your marriage?" Andrea kicks the ball that's deposited at her feet.

"He does but he's been saying these odd things and I think there's something he wants to tell me but something's holding him back and I worry what affect this whole divorce will have on him." Andrea realises she's created the whole situation, where he feels he can talk to her from the night she picked him up off the office floor, met him at his flat and made love three times. She invited him to confide in her.

She's a glutton for punishment.

"There's no way for me to say this that won't be awkward and won't lead you to think I have personal motivations but maybe you'd feel better if you take up some of his suggestions." Andrea says hesitantly with the last section. She doesn't get a chance to analyse or consider how the statement went down. The reply comes too quickly but sincerely.

"The thing is I'm not interested in anyone but you." Instantly Andrea feels a little weak and wobbly with Neil's verbalisation of the confirmation she's wanted for so long.

For so long she's wanted a positive sign from him. To know he has it in him to start to forgive her, for him to let her know she hasn't done irreparable damage. He knows she's sorry. As selfish as it all is, she's had to cling onto hope, it was all she had.

Andrea opens her mouth to say something but fittingly nothing comes out. She's not naïve she knows there's a long way to go. There's hours of talking and rebuilding to be done. She'll have to earn his trust all over again, it's a role she's willing to accept and undertake. She owes him much more than that.

He hasn't said he trusts her, he hasn't said he wants to get back together with her. It's just the first ting step; she has to prove herself to him the rest of the way. But she couldn't do that until he decided what he wants and now he has. Without it there were only questions or a confession of disinterest.

Neither have looked at each other and Cally goes on playing while oblivious to the fact Andrea's world has just been shaken…for the best.

"Excuse me I need to…" Be alone, think, and celebrate for a second – that's all the time she'll allow herself. Andrea heads back to the flat knowing she has another situation to get herself out of…Smithy.

She assumes this split won't be messy, what she has with Smithy is casual at the most, more like two friends going out and having fun and so they fell into bed once. She can tell him about Neil, all be it in a thinly veiled way. After all Smithy knows she was seeing someone last year.

She's lost count of the number of times she's cursed herself for the stupid messy situations she gets herself into when someone – not her usually gets hurt. Once again she comes to the sickly realisation Neil will have to know about the casual date and the one time they slept together, this time Andrea knows may be it. To betray once is barely forgivable, twice too much to bear. Even if she was split from Neil at the time.

Although Cally wants to continue, her tongue hangs drastically out of her head and she hasn't stopped panting, Neil thinks it's time to stop. On his walk back he recalls Andrea's reaction when he told her he wasn't interested in anyone but her. She'd used body movement to cover up her reaction but Neil couldn't help feeling she's steeled herself, put herself on guard so she wouldn't react in a certain way. Whether that was because she was overjoyed or about to panic because she's seeing someone else he's not sure. Either way he hasn't got much out of the visit other than maintaining the status quo, he needs to know before he can broach the idea of getting back together and learning to trust her again,

When Andrea hears the door she busies herself with breakfast washing up instead of staring out the window and thinking, when Cally jumps on her she ignores her. Neil knows the statement has given her a lot to think about and now's not the time to raise the birthday card; it may just contradict his suspicions she's seeing someone anyway. Too many questions and guesses, not enough solid information, they're still floating on a sea somewhere, just one that's getting smaller.

"I'm going to go now." Neil says almost uncomfortably, it takes a little while for Andrea to reply.

"Bye," She makes an effort to turn her head but doesn't look any further than the fridge. Cally follows Neil to the door and stays sitting there long after he's gone.

* * *

To be continued…In the next story. Story ID - 3198959 


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